What’s Your Damage, Heather?

Remember that scene in Heathers when Winona Ryder burns herself with the car lighter and Christian Slater lights his cigarette with palm of her burnt hand?

That’s how I feel every time I try to write a new blog post – an initial flash of self torture, immediately followed by utter apathy toward any words I put to page.

(I just spent more than 20 minutes on that second paragraph – and then deleted all but one sentence. I mean, wtf?!)

Seven years ago, I wrote a blog post every single day for 365 days straight. I couldn’t get through the month of April this year – and it’s one of the short months.

Maybe I’ve lost my voice. Or, maybe I need a new one.

Maybe I need to stop scrolling my endless Facebook and Twitter feeds – which, coincidentally, also makes me feel like I’m sitting in the backseat of that car with Christian and Wynona.

Last night, I met with a writer friend and told her before we saw each other again, I wanted to write, at least, one blog post. So, there’s that – I now have an item I can check off my to-do list – which, admittedly, pleases me almost as much as having an empty email inbox.

I’m not going to make any promises, and there’s a very good chance I may not show back up here again for another three months. For now, I will simply hope something inside me catches fire as soon as I hit publish.

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3 thoughts on “What’s Your Damage, Heather?

  1. I’m right there with you. Worse – I can’t believe I ever had the nerve to think of myself as some kind of writer. I write emails now answering the same few questions day in, day out. The most creative thing I do is make dinner. I’ll be over here pondering chickens and eggs.

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    1. You are, you are, you are – you’re the best kind of writer – honest and willing to dig deep. Sometimes I think we all need a sabbatical, even from the stuff we think we can’t live without doing. Breathing space, maybe.

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      1. Thank you, Amy. This sabbatical feels less like a break and more like a breakdown. I keep waiting for some magical reboot but I think it’s on me. I’ve got to make it happen. I spend way too much energy ignoring my thoughts instead of writing them down.

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