Happy Easter! Smoke ’em if you got ’em

Here's a short story about my grandmother, Juanita, who I loved dearly. And Lent. For most of her life, my grandmother smoked Virginia Slims. She started smoking as a teenager. When I was pregnant with my first child, she told me her doctor had advised her to smoke more during both of her pregnancies. "He... Continue Reading →

I’m a loner Dottie, a rebel

Tomorrow, I will attempt to finish my second ever half marathon. I'm signed up to run the Holy Half - a 13.1 mile stretch that includes two laps around Notre Dame's campus. I feel confident enough - I've done my training. I've got plenty of layers for the cold, and my usual pre-run breakfast -... Continue Reading →

500 words solely meant to make me feel good

Twitter is nothing but gloom and doom tonight. Our current president is tearing down shit like he's stripping wallpaper. I don't know what to do so I'm making a list meant to: 1.) Make me feel better, and 2.) Meet my 500-words-per-day goal. Fair warning, this list is going to keep going until I see... Continue Reading →

Even my dog can barely sleep

Tonight is the worst my anxiety has been since the immediate days after the election. For a while, I was able to push it down, breath through it, ignore it. I put off my fear because Trump wasn’t actually in office yet, but now – four days in - and there is nothing that comes... Continue Reading →

I have a teenager. I have a teenager. I have a teenager.

It’s a weird thing, being a parent to a teenager. I was a teenager once. I was such a teenager. I had a poster of Michael Jackson on my closet door and Beastie Boys’ License to Ill and Paul’s Boutique tapes in my dual-cassette record player. I had a phone in my bedroom with a... Continue Reading →

Send help – I’ve hit my brick wall

I hit my brick wall five days before the election. It wasn't even 8:00 p.m., but already pitch black outside. With my dog's leash in one hand, and my phone in the other, I was looking down searching for a text someone said they had sent, but I never got - not paying attention to... Continue Reading →

Write it down in ink

I'm having urges for a new tattoo. My last one, on the palm of my right hand was four years ago. It was a celebration of sorts - a mark on my body to remind me how long I've lasted without a drink. I was five years sober at the time, now nine years. Nine... Continue Reading →

Remembering to breathe

Can we just stop? Can we take a breath? A deep inhale, through our nostrils, taking in as much air as we can, into the back of our throat, pulling it down into our gut, farther down still, all the way down. Can we clear a space for it just below our navel - in... Continue Reading →

My Mammalian Middle Brain (or this is your brain on grief)

I finally watched the last episode of The Good Wife. They brought back a dead guy - the Good Wife's unrequited love who was murdered a few seasons back. It was a cop out. You can't bring dead people back to life no matter how many candles you burn, or seances you hold, or how... Continue Reading →

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